Awe & Angst by Sushila Wood

When did you grow up?

Sushila Wood — Sat, 26 Oct 2024 23:20:03 GMT

As soon as I find myself thinking of domestic “fairness”, I simultaneously realize I’ve lost the game.

Today while doing the things my kids are meant to, there was a moment where the little voice said, “yo…

What's Next

Sushila Wood — Sun, 06 Oct 2024 17:29:43 GMT

In May, I published a book. And then my writing brain paused - I had nothing to say. Every week or so, I would consider writing, then conclude there really wasn't much to say that felt worthy. It’s now October. This period of quiet feels similar to the fourth trimester of a pregnancy, a period where the mother takes her time to re-enter and find her ne…

44

Sushila Wood — Sun, 26 May 2024 20:44:27 GMT

Today I am forty four.

Forty four, and ready for more. I released my first book this week titled Good to Go, co-authored with Dr John Horton. Order it here!

The Grateful Poppies

Sushila Wood — Mon, 06 May 2024 18:18:06 GMT

Often, I find myself coming up with or appreciating phrases spoken by others as slogans, bumper stickers or band names. I really should keep a running list of the especially poignant hilarities.

PB & J - a band name idea for three kids whose names each start with those letters.

The Grateful Cats - let’s talk about The Grateful Dead as a brilliant band nam…

Walking through the Desert

Sushila Wood — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 19:56:06 GMT

I walked up the street,

turned the corner

and there it was.

A crystal clear view of a usually unremarkable local mountain.

Today it was remarkable.

Did I suddenly have the clarity to see it anew or was it the air?

Clarity comes after rain.

Clarity comes after pain.

Hot rain of tears might just melt the cold pain of a stone heart.

It rained.

My heart held …

Chiseling Life

Sushila Wood — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 15:37:44 GMT

March 24, 2024

Armed with a hammer, chisel and boots, I ventured into the empty swimming pool to begin. I chose this task in the sunshine after the rain. Wedge the chisel under the loose old tile, and tap tap, ching, hammer to pry it loose. Those tiles are Fransciscan faded aqua blue pool tile, incredibly hard. The pool, installed in 1970, has been empty…

The Tooth Fairy Didn't Come

Sushila Wood — Sat, 16 Mar 2024 01:11:15 GMT

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

“Mommy,” my six year old sobbed, “The Tooth Fairy didn’t come.” I guess it’s a good sign that that’s the worst thing in the day.  It means there is no existential threat today.

Twenty teeth each, and I have three children. That’s 40 for two and 60 for three. Sixty times, I am meant to remember to leave a surprise under the head of a sleeping child? Goo…

The Pink Moments of Fury

Sushila Wood — Fri, 15 Mar 2024 23:57:03 GMT

Warning: when I write like this I am not sure anyone needs to read it. But maybe that’s just me. So, if it resonates and you think it is not silly to write like this more publicly, let me know in the comments! Maybe I need a pen name.

“Jeeeesus understands…” chants the music in one downtown Ojai interiors boutique. Really? Is the thought that if it sounds like they’re chanting in Hindi, it doesn’t matter what they’re saying?

Further along the street, another boutique is bustling. I am in there for less than thirty seconds. I look around and decide I should get out, quick. The bustling boutiques of Ojai on a Friday are filled with hair-done, earthy designer clothed females who are buying things quite possibly so they can casually say when someone compliments them on it later, “Oh I got it in a little place in Ojai.”

Picking Lavender in the Rain

Sushila Wood — Mon, 04 Mar 2024 00:26:55 GMT

When I wake, I pause.

Is it really morning?

Can I really have this moment, just for me?

I ventured out in the drizzle, and found the abundant lavender was a beautiful color on this gray early spring day. Re…

Awe and Angst

Sushila Wood — Sat, 02 Mar 2024 04:18:41 GMT

It is here, between the walls of awe and angst, I dwell. So here on Substack I invite you to join me in walking through the mire and the rainbows of life. Somewhere in there, there is an unshakable equilibrium that I rediscover again and again when I write it out.

Awe, at so many remarkable moments, like one today where the horse I was leading preven…

Learning

Sushila Wood — Thu, 22 Feb 2024 12:03:03 GMT

The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.

~ Rumi

How Shall I Use My Wisdom?

Sushila Wood — Mon, 19 Feb 2024 19:59:15 GMT

Ogreness.

Ogreness is an ogre-like condition that happens to me every time I forget my wisdom. Every. Single. Time. That ogre is incredibly admirable. Powerful. Insistent. Determined. Demanding. Capable of accomplishing amazing feats, like providing for an entire family. Capable of doing it all, alone. That ogre, while admirable, has a void of wisdom. Th…

2024

Sushila Wood — Wed, 03 Jan 2024 09:47:08 GMT

Some wonderful people I get to spend time with, and the mighty Tesla.

NYE. Me, nose in book, Michael Brouns book, reading that 56% of microplastics in the ocean come from acrylic paint. What the? And we poopoo single use plastics but not modern paints. All modern house paint is plastic. Damn.

Then me, realizing I am not stretchy or destructive quite like …

heart in the tea

Sushila Wood — Tue, 26 Dec 2023 22:14:47 GMT

I saw a heart in the tea leaves

It wasn’t my cup,

But nobody else saw it,

Sitting since Christmas night.

T’was sweet mint tea from a friends garden, perfect sips to cap off Christmas.

Maybe if I squint in just the right way, hearts and love are everywhere, on this night and every night.

I’ll take it, the love, the sweetness, the warmth, the mint.

And I’ll give…

Let it Rain & Rites of Passage

Sushila Wood — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 15:56:02 GMT

It brings a different kind of quiet, the rain. I still hear the birds, chattering perhaps for the sheer joy of being alive regardless of their wet or dry feathers. Are they happy? Sad? Despondent? Do birds share such emotions? I won’t sit here searching and analyzing, I’ll just enjoy the sound.

Magpies, if you’ve never heard their morning sounds, are one…

Not Sanding the Floor

Sushila Wood — Mon, 18 Dec 2023 20:57:10 GMT

There is a dog in my lap and a cat lurking nearby. My feet are up, the sky is grey, anticipating the rare gift of rain coming. The big tree out front has almost no leaves left, and the Christmas tree in the foreground is shedding needles everywhere.

There are two voices in my head. One says, holy crap, if you work all day you might get everything done. T…

Proud of Myself?

Sushila Wood — Sun, 10 Dec 2023 15:46:13 GMT

Am I proud of myself? When people tell me they’re proud of me, I balk. I don’t like it. I usually discount it immediately with some self deprecating comment if I know the person well, or I smile and say thank you if it’s an acquaintance.

Why?

Well, it’s tied up in the reason I dislike conventional schooling. I got mostly A’s and the occasional B in Elemen…

Ditching Ribbons for Light

Sushila Wood — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 08:03:35 GMT

It’s beginning to look like something. A nice place to be. Lights here and there. Plants. Photosynthesis. Things to appreciate in the ever ungrateful days.

I took a hiatus from the writtten word. I was rendered speechless by a long list of contemplation and to dos. It is now time for me to return to the twists, turns and witty nourishments as the words t…

Dishwashers, commodes, spiders, & backpacks.

Sushila Wood — Sun, 13 Aug 2023 22:18:29 GMT

Dishwashers, commodes, spiders & backpacks.

To know the spiders is to be the mother. The one who goes places first walks through their web. It is a metaphor for something. Life, I guess. Caught in a web, but not really caught at all.

How many spider webs did you walk through today?

Oh, none today, but at least four yesterday. First, there was the one at 4:…

Express Spinal Surgery

Sushila Wood — Sun, 13 Aug 2023 21:48:18 GMT

Who knew spinal surgery could be so quick! It’s 8:30am. Michael was wheeled away a little over an hour ago, and the doctor just called to say all went well.

What a relief.

Modern medicine is amazing (and also amazingly wasteful) but nonetheless, amazing.

The hospital is about an hour from home, so once he’s recovered from the general anesthetic we will be …